


Not Without You

by GrowLikeAPlant



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Animal Death, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Character Death, I don't really have a problem with her though, I just needed a plot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Period-Typical Sexism, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Relationship(s), Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, sharon carter is a bitch here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 20:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14292681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrowLikeAPlant/pseuds/GrowLikeAPlant
Summary: To say the least, Bucky has feelings for Steve. He's hopelessly in love with him. And Steve is in love with Sharon Carter. So, he does the rational thing and runs away.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on wattpad when I was brand new to writing and sucked even more than I do now, so please forgive me for this piece of trash. It has so many plot holes, it's not even funny

                                                                 _James walked down the dark alley, on his way home from one of his many jobs. Whistling as he stepped, he reminisced about his day. It wasn't terrible, he supposed. He had received a ten cent raise at his job in the factory . His Ma would've been proud._

James sighed.  _His Ma as he thought about his mother, who had passed away nearly a year ago. If she heard about his raise, why, she would pinch his cheeks like she always did, and exclaim gleefully to him, "I knew you could do it. You're such a hardworking-"_

" _S_ ' _cuse_ _me sir," A small voice whispered out. James stopped walking. He looked around, searching for the source of the voice._

_"Over here, Sir. Next to the trash cans." The mystery voice directed. James turned around and walked a few paces back towards the trash can. Beside them sat a bruised, bloody, and rather limp looking boy._

_"Could you help me up, please?" The boy asked._

_James reached a hand out towards the skinny looking boy, who placed his much, much smaller hand into his. Leaning back, expecting the boy's weight to be at least a little more than it was, James helped him to his feet._

_"Well, what are ya doing out here? It's almost midnight." James asked, motioning to the dark sky._

_"I was trying to get a doll back from a bully," The small stranger explained._

_James chuckled. "Aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls?"_

_"Wha-no!" The boy blushed, clearly flustered. "It wasn't mine, the jerk had taken it from a little girl. I chased after him, but I couldn't keep up. Then one of his buddies found me while I was sitting here in the alley and decided that I would be fun to punch."_

_James couldn't help but to laugh a little at the boy's selfless antics. "Well aren't you just God's righteous man. Where do you live? Looks like you can barely walk home, so I'll be a gentleman and see you home." He laughed again at his own joke._

_"It's a ways from here," the boy replied. "But I can get myself there." He began to walk away from James, limping with each step._

_James rolled his eyes as he walked behind him. "I live a block from here. You might as well just stay at my place tonight, and I'll see to it that you get home safe and sound in the morning. How 'bout it, pal?"_

_Sighing, the boy nodded after a brief moment of hesitation. "Alright, fine. You don't have to treat me like I'm some dame of something, though. And I can see myself home in the morning."_

_James let out a little laugh. "We'll see about that. Name's James, by the way."_

_Sticking his bony hand out, the boy greeted him properly- even though now that James could see his face a little better, he realized that they might actually be close to the same age._

_"Steve. Steve Rogers."_

_James nodded and shook his hand, then carefully placed one arm around the smaller man's waist and helped him limp along the dark Brooklyn alley._


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this before Black Panther was released, so it's slightly inaccurate regarding Bucky in cryo freeze due to that.

                                                                         That seemed like an eternity. In a way, Bucky supposed, it was. Both him and Steve should rightfully be dead. However, instead of decaying in a coffin, Bucky was staring up at the gray painted ceiling. Comfortable. Warm. Well-fed. In a house with Steven Grant Rogers. 

He felt that it was wrong. 

After saving Steve from the river, Bucky took off. He lived as well as he could, trying to keep his identity a secret while at the same time, trying to figure out just who he was. 

He was cold, hungry, and alone.

And he felt that's how he deserved to be.

Yes, he thought for a little while that maybe he should go back to the man that he'd saved from the river for no apparent reason. Then he recoiled. Bucky had killed people without any control over it. Why would the man want to see someone who had done such horrible things?

Yet he did. Steve found him in Romania, and a part of Bucky was glad that he did. What did he ever do to deserve a friend like Steve? The man took care of his every need- he gave him a roof over his head, supplied him with more than enough food, and doesn't even get frustrated when Bucky has a nightmare in which blood pours out of a body because of the Winter Solider, and Bucky wakes up screaming until his throat is raw. Steve was too good to him. 

Bucky had wanted to go back into cryo freeze after all of the issues with Tony. He didn't want to risk hurting anyone again. So he stayed frozen in a tube for about two months, then while he was thawed, Steve came to visit, and Bucky broke down with the realization that he wanted to be with Steve. He wanted Steve to help him recover the memories that Hydra had stolen from him. Bucky softly asked Steve if he could stay with him. 

Steve smiled widely as he replied, "Of course, Buck. If that's what you want to do, I fully support you." He threw a strong arm around Bucky's shoulders as he encouraged, "We'll work through this together."

_That's enough wallowing in your sorrow for today, Bucky,_ the man told himself as he propped himself up on one arm, tearing his eyes away from the ceiling. Steve had given him the guest bedroom, which had grey walls with a blue trim, and a coordinating bedspread. Steve had told him that Natasha and Sam had helped him decorate it. Bucky was fond of the room- the blue incorporated with the room reminded him of Steve's eyes. 

Lifting himself out of the warm bed, he got up and went out into the kitchen, to see Steve standing in the room, wearing a white tank top and black running shorts, indicating that he'd just returned from his daily run with Sam. 

"Morning, Buck!" Steve chirped as he put a pan of eggs on the stove.

"Morning," Bucky replied as he sat down on a wooden chair at the table.

"How did you sleep?" Asked Steve as he stirred the eggs.

An innocent question, but yet one that made Bucky's neck grow hot with panic. He gripped the bottom of the chair that he was sitting on tightly- a subtle, unseen way of holding himself together-as he smiled at his friend. "I slept well."

A lie. He didn't like to lie to Steve, but who couldn't bear to wake Steve up anymore. Despite being a super soldier, the man needed his sleep. Bucky hated seeing the dark circles beneath his eyes, along with the worried expression on his face, wondering if Bucky would snap due to his regular nightmares. 

"That's great!" Steve replied happily. 

The truth is that Bucky had slept horribly. He saw himself holding a gun to a man's forehead, his wife and children tied up in a corner if the room, eyes wide with horror as they watched the Winter Solider shoot their loved one without even blinking. Bucky had woken up shaking, but had somehow subconsciously learned to keep his hand clenching tightly over his mouth as he slept, so his screams would be muffled and he wouldn't wake up Steve.

"And how did you sleep?" Bucky finally asked. 

Steve's smile wasn't as genuine as he replied, "I slept well, too." His voice was soft. Turning his eyes towards the tiled kitchen floor, he continued, "I was worried about you, though. When you didn't wake me up, I... I got worried that maybe you left."

Bucky got up from his chair and walked over to his friend. Laying a hand on his shoulder, he said, "I know that you worry about me, but I don't want you to. I'm doing better lately, honest." He gave the blonde a small smile. 

Steve sighed as he looked into Bucky's eyes. "I'm sorry, Buck. I'll try not to worry so much." He smiled at his old friend before softly saying, "I'm still with you 'til the end of the line."

Bucky smiled back as he held back a sob. How could he lie to Steve so easily anymore? He wanted to wrap his arms around the man and sob as he told him how sorry he was for nearly killing him, for keeping him awake at night, and how most of the times he wishes that he would've stayed frozen in Wakanda where he couldn't cause any trouble for anyone. 

Or that he would've really died when he fell off of that freight train decades ago.

Bucky always appreciated how much Steve cared for him and felt awful for how he still thought about these things, but he tried his best to not trouble him. He loved being with Steve. He just wasn't with him in the way that Bucky had always secretly wanted him to be.

 

 


End file.
